Unfortunately, I woke up with back pain. Such a pain in the… Well, back. LOL. I searched online this am to see how other people deal with bulging disc pain and found this horrific post from a girl who said her disc ruptured one day when she sneezed. OMFG. She ended up having surgery and was out of work for five weeks but is doing much better. I’m terrified to have surgery. I just want my back to get better without it. I can’t be out of work for that long – frankly, I’m afraid I’d lose my job! Also, without much time to prepare, we certainly couldn’t afford it. Webmd said that for nonphysical work people go back to work in about two to four weeks. I could handle two weeks but I’d use up all my vacation time and that would rule out a trip to Dubai. I don’t know what to think.

My physical therapist is sending me back to my doctor to be reevaluated because I’m not seeing any improvement with therapy and I’m worried that they might suggest surgery at this point. I want my back to get better but I’m afraid of surgery and being able to afford it. I don’t have short term disability insurance right now either and I wonder if they’ll even cover an absence due to surgery for my back if it’s a condition that I had before I get the insurance. Also, it seems like we switch insurance companies and plans every year at work and what if that happens again and my new plan won’t cover treatment or surgery because it’s preexisting? I might be worrying over nothing. That might never happen, but medical insurance always seems so complex and confusing. Ugh.

And then on top of all of that I’m a little baby crazy right now and so I’m depressed that my stupid back might cause a baby to get delayed even further than what we’d been talking about. Stupid annoying back. Argh! My obsession now is to get the back thing fixed asap and hopefully without scary surgery. Can’t I just “walk it off”?!

End overly emotional worried rant.

Must focus on enjoying my day off. I think I’ll work for a bit (get at least one review done) and then take my camera and go for a walk in the park. It’s chilly but gorgeous out with clear blue skies and firey autumn leaves. I’ll be so annoyed at myself if I don’t go out and enjoy the day!!