I tackled a couple of simple projects today. I sewed a grocery bag keeper and a tissue box cover.

Grocery Bag Holder

Tissue Box Cover

I’m really just learning the whole sewing thing, so neither of these projects came out perfectly. The seams on the grocery bag holder don’t line up, which annoys me, and the corners of my tissue box cover are sloppy and not right, but I’m still pretty impressed with my efforts. My encounter with the corners today reinforced my suspicion that I’m only going to get so far on the whole self-teaching thing, so I think I’m going to look into sewing classes. I would like to just work with someone to get some of the basics down so that I could feel more confident in tackling new projects and trying to make some things for gifts.

I think the next thing I’ll tackle will be the window treatments in the family room. We haven’t decided on a color for that room yet, so I think picking out some awesome fabric for window treatments would be a great place to start out. The family room is such a low-pressure room to decorate, too, so I think I can get away with some really funky fun fabric. I’d love some sort of aqua and orange combination. I’m sure Alex will nix it, but he’s going to be away for most of the next few months so he won’t have much of a chance to prevent it!

So yeah, I’m having my wisdom teeth ripped out of my head the day after tomorrow. I’m pretty much dreading this.

I mean, when you talk to people who’ve had their wisdom teeth out, they pretty much never have a happy story to share with you. It’s always, “I woke up!” or “I threw up for days!” or “I got dry socket and had to spray the holes in my mouth with saline!” What the hell, ew! By the way, “dry socket” is a combination of words that makes me immediately gag. EW.

I’m completely unprepared for this. I had to go to the dentist on Monday to get a panoramic xray and ended up getting a cleaning and a regular xray… which meant that they couldn’t do the pano-x-ray like I needed because insurance wouldn’t pay for 2 different kinds of x-rays done on the same day. Argh! What was annoying about that was I told the hygienist first thing that I needed the pano-x-ray and she then advised me to get the regular x-rays done because I was overdue and then at the end of the appointment she was the one that pointed out that the insurance wouldn’t pay for both done on one visit. Um… obnoxious. So now I have to go back to the dentist tomorrow and get a tiny filling done (uuuugh) and get the pano-x-ray. It’s kind of snowing hardcore right now and probably through the night, so I’m going to have to drive in snow on my lunch break to get this done tomorrow, which is super obnoxious. Hopefully the office won’t be closed because I need that x-ray, or I’m screwed. Oh, and also, it didn’t occur to me until today that I don’t have soft foods here for me to eat after the surgery is done and I really don’t want to have to run to Price Chopper in the snow. Yep, I’m screwed.

I’m pretty much dreading this.

I’m totally going to be this kid on Thursday:

Saturday started off crappy – I felt tired and was starting to feel what I thought were normal side effects from the surgery. I took some Advil and started to get ready for Carrie and John’s son’s baptism party. I was feeling really out of it, though, and didn’t remember that our super huge mirror that usually hung on the wall above my dresser was off the wall and propped up behind the dresser while we painted the bedroom. I moved the dresser to get out a pair of jeans and ended up smashing the huge mirror into a thousand pieces. I called Alex crying – it just seemed like a huge deal to me at the time and all I could think (besides how much cleaning up all of those tiny shards was going to suck) was that we really, really, really didn’t need 7 years of bad luck. Alex told me that I was being rediculous – all a broken mirror meant was you couldn’t use it anymore. I pulled myself together and finished getting ready and headed up to Clifton Park, pausing to layer on some extra strength Tylenol with my Advil.

As the day progressed, the pain I was feeling intensified. I ended up leaving the party early and went to my parents’ house. I spent most of the day on the couch or pacing when my pain got too much to bear laying still. I was getting frustrated that even though I was being diligent about taking my pain meds every four hours, I wasn’t feeling any better. I was feeling progressively worse.

By the time guests started arriving for my dad’s going away party, I was feeling really bad. I tried to not look as miserable ad I felt, but I don’t think I was terribly successful in that endeavor. A couple of hours later, I had to bail out early and Alex and I headed home.

When we got home, I popped a couple of Tylenol with codiene and layed on the sofa with Alex while we watched Netflix movies. I still wasn’t feeling any better. I whined and moaned as we layed there and Alex told me he wa calling my dr in the morning. Finally we decided to just go to bed. Alex gave me an Ambien in the hopes that I’d pass out and not feel any pain.

Unfortunately, that plan didn’t work out too well. I woke up at 3:30 in the morning in pain. I got up to go to the bathroom and ended up in so much pain that I actually screamed. Alex came rushing out to me and I started to pass out. I kept moaning, “we gotta go… we gotta go to the ER…”. Alex got me in the car and took me to Ellis.

The ER was not busy when we got to Ellis and I made it through triage and into a private room very quickly – which meant that I got morphine fairly quickly. I was incredibly thankful for that. I was comfortable there in my hospital gown on my bed, hooked up to an IV and getting good pain meds. I was sent for a CT scan which showed that I fortunately had no injury from my surgery, but that I was inflamed, which was evidence of an infection. They gave me antibiotics by IV and then sent me home with prescriptions for 2 different antibiotics and for Percocet for my pain.

I was so out of it from the infection and Percocet that I don’t remember much of Sunday or Monday. I followed up with my dr on Monday, who seemed pissy at the ER for some reason. I was still in a lot of pain then, but she wouldn’t give me anything else for pain because I was taking a lot already (2 Percocet every 4 hrs) and she felt that after the antibiotics started to kick in that I’d be in less pain. She was right. By Tuesday I was feeling better, but still pretty sick. I went back to work Wednesday, which was really too soon. At my follow up appointment with my doctor on Thursday afternoon, I was chastised for returning to work so soon and “ordered” to take the next day off of work and rest.

I’ve spent a lot of time on the couch the last couple of days, but I think I have this irrational expectation that I should instantly feel better after this investment of couch time. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. At this point, I really am (really!) “over” the whole miscarriage part of it. Because I’ve been so open with everyone about what’s been going on, I’ve been able to hear about other people’s experiences and been able to see how common it is, even among my friends, to go through this. What’s been really great to hear is how many of them have gone on very quickly to have successful pregnancies. So yeah, I’m over that part. What I’m really having a problem with now, is that I’m still feeling so incredibly crappy. I’m just done with this. I want to feel better and just move on at this point.

I’d been so excited for weeks for that appointment. All day today at work I was planning on how I was going to tell my boss and coming up with a maternity leave plan that I was super proud of. I had no expectation of anything but good news at this appointment, and so I was shocked. I couldn’t ask the doctor any questions and could only half listen as she explained that I would need to have surgery to remove the placenta and fetal remains. Apparently I’m looking at a good few weeks of unpleasantness, and then will need to wait for my body to get back to normal before we can even think about trying again. It’s so depressing.

I feel betrayed. I don’t know by what – my body I guess. I feel stupid for believing that everything would, of course, be alright. I feel sad for the loss of our hopes for the summer. I feel dread for the next few weeks of unpleasantness. I feel worried that it will take months and months before we can start trying again. I’m worried that once we are able to start trying again, it will take us months and months before we are successful again. And I dread that if/when we are successful again, that we’ll go through this pain another time.

I remember that as we told people, I kept thinking that we were going against advice to hold off until we were out of the first trimester, “just in case”. We were so happy and excited, though, that keeping it to ourselves wasn’t an option. We’re not private people, Alex and I. That’s just not the way we are. And now that the worst has happened, I don’t feel terrible about having to tell people about it. I’d rather people know why I’m sad or looking depressed. I’d rather people know that we’ve had a loss than unknowingly insensitively ask us, “when are you having kids?” I’m an over-sharer with most things in my life, so I just didn’t see why this should be any different. And frankly, talking about it helps. If I couldn’t talk about it, I’d internalize and get extremely depressed – that’s just my nature.

I took all of my pregnancy books and the few baby things we were given over Christmas upstairs to the nursery where I put it in the closet and closed the door. That was really hard, but I needed to make sure that I didn’t have a bunch of “emotional triggers” laying around the house. I’m trying to stay positive and distract myself as much as possible and focus on the fact that we were able to achieve one time (and really quickly) – so we should be able to do it again. I can try and lose some weight in the meantime and the longer we wait the more we’ll have in savings (theoretically). I know, rationally, that there are a lot of positives that I can focus on, but it’s hard. Hard to see past the immense disappointment, sadness, and shock. Hard to not think of the next four or five months as time wasted – a terrible purgatory of waiting when it was supposed to be an exciting and happy time.

I haven’t started planning AT ALL yet for Thanksgiving dinner, so I better get a move on. I saw a recipe for Roast Turkey with Truffle Gravy on Cooking Light – I might try that this year… if I can find or order Truffle Oil in time. I freaking love Truffle Oil. Mmmmmm…

If Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away, then The Holidays must really be right around the corner.  I think we’re planning on Christmas Eve with my family, Christmas Day with Alex’s family, and then going to PA to be with my PA family for a few days.  We’ll need to be back before New Year’s Eve, though, since Alex is on call this year – so it looks like it will be a quiet New Year’s for me (which is A-OK with me, actually).  The rest of this year is really going to fly by quickly – it will be 2010 before we know it!

When we discovered the leak from our boiler and called the plumber, I was definitely afraid that we were going to have to replace the whole thing.  Afraid, but also hopeful; because if we had to replace the whole thing, then we wouldn’t have the scary possibility looming over our heads for who knows how long.  We knew that the house had a 30 year old boiler when we bought it and it was working at the time of the house inspection but since it was so old I assumed we’d have to replace it at some point during our ownership of the house.  Well, I mean, I hoped that it would make it, like, another 6 years at least because this is our “5 year plan” house.  In 5 years, we’ll be out of debt (woohoo!!!) and since our debt payment is almost as much as our mortgage payment, we’ll be able to afford a nice house like ours in Nisky instead of a scrawny in need of a ton of repairs house like we could have gotten now.  5 year plan.  5 year plan.

But anyway, back to the boiler.  When the plumber came out and gave us the diagnosis, I was kind of relieved.  I was also happy to hear that with tax credits and rebates from the utility company we’d be getting a high efficiency boiler for less than the price of a normal one – and that both of those prices were much less than I feared.  So wee!!  New boiler – oh, and since our hot water heater was also wicked old and had no “medium” setting (turn it down to conserve energy and get no hot water!  turn it back and get scalding hot water right away!), we decided to replace the hot water heater at the same time.  So that’s all well and good… but the first appointment that the plumber had to do the install wasn’t until November 2nd and 3rd.  So that sucks.

“But,” we thought, “it hasn’t been that cold this fall – in fact, it was pretty hot in September.  So October should be pretty mild – we’ll be fine without heat in October.”  I don’t know why I didn’t think of that October before we moved up to NY when there was an epic snowstorm that paralyzed the Capital District.  Luckily, it’s just been “on the cold side”.  Unfortunately, “on the cold side” feels pretty darn cold when you can’t turn on the heat.  Plenty of my friends haven’t turned on their heat yet because they don’t want to pay for heat in October – and I’m sure that if we had the option, we wouldn’t have ours on either.  But not having the option sucks.

We’ve been drinking tea and layering clothes.  Last night I went to bed wearing leggings, a long sleeved t-shirt, a sweatshirt, and two pairs of socks.  I also warmed the bed with a heating pad before I climbed in.  Alex thought I was crazy – he wore shorts.  We’ve also been building fires now that we’ve had the fireplace cleaned and inspected.  It’s Alex’s favorite new thing.  He just loves to build and prod and poke a fire.  Oh, and throw crap in it.  I had flowers that were past their prime – he threw them in the fire.  We ate brownies on paper plates in the living room – he threw the paper plates in the fire.  He was so excited about the fire that he wanted me to take a picture of it.  So I did.  Actually, I took a few pictures and a video.  Here’s the video, for your viewing pleasure.  Doesn’t that just look warm?

I wish I was warm right now.  Sigh.  To bed!

As it often happens when I revamp my site, I started to get all reminiscent about the beginnings of my blog.  I visited the Internet Wayback Machine at archive.org and typed in aliwolly.com.  The earliest iteration that popped up was from December 2004 – my pink landing page, which linked out to my photo albums (the older ones were self-hosted) and my blogger blog.  So that was fun to poke around in, but then I thought, “Huh.  2004?  That’s the earliest?”  Then I remembered that my original website was hosted on my PC and used dyndns.com to point a url to my PC’s IP.  Yep, turns out I’ve been a geek for a long time.  So I threw aliwolly.homeip.net into the wayback machine and found a version of my blog from 2002: pre-blogger.  I probably originally built the site in Sept 2001 on tripod.com before I moved it to my PC.  It’s completely intriguing that there’s this internet archive project out there and that something as insignificant as my website is archived in it.  I guess, so far as websites go, mine could be considered pretty old – “online since 2001!” – but I can’t imagine that it’s interesting to anyone but me.

My old posts are endlessly fascinating to me.  I decided to look back at October 2002 – I was pretty verbose that month with 42 posts! – and laughed my ass off reading my posts from 10/13/02.  The first one relates a story about a Pizzaria Uno’s dining experience and me pulling a typical Ali move and speaking without thinking.  Telling your waiter that your leftover pizza would “smell like ass” is apparently a good way to get it taken off the bill (and embarrass everyone you’re dining with).  The second post is about the time that I learned the expression, “Soup to Nuts” in one of my grad school classes – but thought the prof said, “Soupy Nuts” and suppressed giggles ensued.  Actually, the whole month of October that year has some pretty good posts – I wish I could get back to writing like that again.  Lately work is just all-encompassing and I am so tired by the time I shake work out of my head that I just go to bed.  Sigh.  Speaking of…  Goodnight!